I have friends who struggle daily with the fears and worries of disappointment. It may be a marriage breaking up and worries of how children will react. It may be a challenging job and the constant fear of not doing quite enough. It may be an athlete wondering whether their training is up to par. It may be someone navigating the complexities of a new relationship and feeling the memories of failed ones from the past, pulling them down. There are so many negative feelings woven so tightly through disappointment. It is so complex. It can take on so many feelings. You can feel sad and worried. Angry and frustrated. It can kidnap you in the midst of complete joy and flood you with darkness. The constant worry of what people may think, what they may say, how you may feel or what they may do, what they may think of you, can be suffocating. If she separates from her husband, her kids may be disappointed. Or, even though he is enjoying a new relationship, his past may ruin it all.
In an attempt to pull something positive out of this, I focus on one word; may. Why do we channel so much energy towards the negative things that may happen? Why is it, that when we use the word “may” we often link it to the bad. I mean, if you spin it, you can change it to focus on the positive things that may happen too. From past experience, I know that if you dedicate your energy to positive things, usually the good stuff snuffs out the bad. That’s not to say that the bad things won’t be there. You will just be so absorbed in all the positivity, that people will gravitate to that. And it makes getting through the rough parts so much easier. The bad will be short lived as you will be so motivated for the great things to return.
If she separates from her husband, her kids will see her happiness return. Although they will undoubtedly be sad and confused, they will understand how positive relationships work and will make better choices for themselves one day. If he enjoys his new relationship and is dedicated to the fun parts of it, his past decisions will be voided. She will see him for the positive decisions he is making now and empathize with him about the mistakes from the past.
It takes a little more work, perhaps. Keeping positive isn’t always easy. It takes dedication to believe that, although there is a chance of bad stuff happening, that focusing on the flip side is worth it. If you keep doing it, over and over again, it becomes easier and easier to do. In that moment, when you feel the tightening in your chest and the tears building up in the corners of your eyes, when your brain begins to flood with the inky mess of bad memories, you can take a deep breath and flip the coin. So worth it. Keep practicing.
© Nina Waddington 2016